


All Things, Thighs and Wonderful

by Toguro



Series: Chibiverse [2]
Category: the GazettE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Biphobia, Coming Out, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Homophobia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Prequel, Slice of Life, Smut, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:29:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23450056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toguro/pseuds/Toguro
Summary: Prequel/Sequel to All Creatures, Great and Chibi.The story of how Uruha helped his friend get over a break-up all while juggling his feelings for his coworker and friend-with-benefits Aoi.
Relationships: Aoi/Uruha (the GazettE), Reita/Ruki (the GazettE), Ruki (the GazettE)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Chibiverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686922
Comments: 13
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So...how have you all been? So this is the sequel I promised like two years ago. It's been kind of hard to figure out what direction I wanted to go with this. But thanks to reading some comments on the previous work, I got inspired to do this prequel-sequel fic. Hope you all enjoy it even after waiting so long. (#^_^#)/

Well this is familiar.

I wake up in a bed that’s not mine, but I know who it belongs to. It smells like him, not that I’d ever tell him that. But judging from my surroundings, and how sore my body is, I know exactly what happened last night in an instant. The room is kept dark thanks to the thick curtains hanging on the window to block out the morning sun. Which is very helpful when you have a hangover. Not my favorite part of drinking. But thankfully the pounding in my head is nothing compared to the soreness in my lower back. And that can be remedied with a quick, hot shower. Which I (un)fortunately know is right down the hallway, second door on the left.

Sitting up, I stretch and hear my joints crack in protest. I much rather continue sleeping. I’d prefer not to deal with this again.

Turning around, I notice the bed empty beside me. Why do I always hold out hope? I don’t know why, I should know by now that he wouldn’t stay. It’s not like him to cuddle in the morning. I know he’s already awake. This routine is becoming predictable.

I finally get out of bed, and scrounge up my clothes scattered along the floor. Shivering as the cool morning air assaults my naked skin. I quickly make my way to the bathroom and hop in the shower, eager to escape the cold.

The boiling water is so comforting. I lean against the shower wall as the water cascades down my body. Taking with it the smell of sweat and alcohol. It was healing. Like it was erasing my escapades from the night before. But I know the comfort won’t last long. I still have yet to step into the kitchen and see him.

Ever since I started working a year ago, the hair salon has been a place of comfort for me. I was accepted easily despite my occasional aloofness. I admit I sometimes get lost with my own thoughts and space out. But I can’t help it. It just happens. But no one at Black Moral complains. Sure they tease me about it, but that’s all in fun. 

When I first applied, I wasn’t sure if it was what I wanted to do with my life. I mean, a gay hairdresser is pretty cliche isn’t it? 

But when I walked in and saw how warmly everyone interacted with each other, well, I couldn’t resist. The owner, Kai, was even nice. I never had a boss like him before. He wasn’t all business and actually listened to his employees. He’s the one whole actually trained me and showed me how everything worked. It was so simple, I picked it up easily. Cutting and dying people’s hair is so easy, I wondered if I’d ever get bored of it.

But that was before I met Aoi. He was already working there before me, but he only stayed at the desk in the front lobby. I assumed it was because he was eye candy. I mean, you have to be blind to not notice him. I was floored when we first met. His plump, irresistible lips were twisted into the smirk I’ve become accustomed to. He was so friendly, and outgoing compared to me. Instantly, I was drawn to him. 

I never had a crush on anyone before him. Aoi has this way about him when he talks to you, you just feel at ease. The way he looked at me, and paid attention when I talked, I felt so important to him. Like I was the only person that mattered. He is a comfortable guy to be around. I saw him interact with everyone the same way. So I soon pushed the notion of being important to him at bay. I managed to keep my feelings for him hidden. He was none the wiser until Kai took us all out drinking. 

That’s where all of this began.

With a bit of liquid courage in me, I boldly propositioned him and the rest is history. Now everytime we go out drinking after work, I end up waking up in his bed. It’s our routine.

I turn off the water when I notice the skin at the ends of my fingers start to prune. I have to face this sooner or later. Can’t spend the rest of my life in the shower. Unless I want to be a human-sized, wrinkled raisin. 

I dry off with the towel that is unspokenly mine and dress. I comb and style my disheveled hair into an asymmetrical bob. I do a pretty good job even though the mirror is all fogged. 

Looking at my blotchy outline in the mirror, I psych myself up to continue this morning routine. It was going to be awkward. Well, to me it will be anyways. Aoi is going to act just like he always does.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I finally emerge from the bathroom. Steam billowing to the ground behind me. The air out here feels colder now that I walked further away from my own personal sauna. I can already hear movement in the kitchen. The beeping I recognize as the coffee maker; a clear sign as to who is on the other side of this wall. 

I swallow the lump of anxiety in my throat and step forward.

His back is facing me as he fiddles with his coffee. And of course he’s not wearing a shirt. I can’t blame him though, his body is too gorgeous to hide away. But it just makes things more awkward as I try not to stare all morning. 

I can see red marks along his toned back. Little scratches and indentations from my nails from last night. A small surge of pride shoots through me as I relish in the thought that I did that. I marked him, and he allowed me to. Not trying to be possessive or anything. I know I don’t own him. I just feel connected to him when I see them.

He turns around and notices me standing in the doorway. That signature smirk greeting me as he looks me in the eye. I keep my gaze fixed with his. Seeing how low his sleep pants were hanging off his hips would stir something in me, and I can’t let myself be tempted. We both have work to get to.

“Mornin’ sleepyhead.” Aoi’s voice is so soothing first thing in the morning.

I nod and pull out a seat at the small table against the wall. 

“Here. I made you some coffee.” Aoi placed a steaming mug on the tabletop in front of me. I take a small sip, it’s piping hot. “I wasn’t sure if you’d have a hangover or not. I figured it might help you.”

“Thanks.” My voice is always so gravely first thing in the morning. I take a moment to clear my throat. “I’m fine though. I didn’t drink too much last night.”

“Yeah, but Miko sure did. Kai had to cut her off before she did something really embarrassing.” Aoi laughs as he prepares himself a mug. 

“Playing the ‘floor is lava’ in the middle of a bar isn’t considered embarrassing?”

“Hey, I won! Don’t diss us.” Aoi whines. I love having these fun conversations with him. It’s so homey and intimate. I’ve never felt this way with anyone. I feel like I can say anything to Aoi and he’ll just laugh and continue on. Well, almost anything.

“So you need a ride to work?” Aoi asked even though he already knew the answer. I never turn down a ride. It's tradition to go to work together. Well, unless Aoi spent the night with someone else.

“Yeah. Let me go change first.” I chug the rest of my coffee. It's slightly bitter in taste. Maybe one more packet of sweetener would've been better. But it did help ease the dull ache hammering away in my skull.

We live in the same apartment building. Just different floors. So it makes these walks of shame easier on me. Aoi on the fifth, and me on the fourth. It's just one flight of stairs. Thanks to the elevator, no one ever walked these steps. So I’m allowed to keep some dignity.

After I changed into some different clothes, I took some aspirin. My headache is just a mild thudding now. I've had worse, so I know this isn't anything to worry about. I can perform my job just fine.

A knocking on my door signals for me it's time to go. I don't even need to ask. I know who's on the other side. And I know he's probably swinging his keyring around his index finger waiting for me. His one foot tapping impatiently on the ground. Not that he was eager to get to work on time, he doesn't care about all that. He's just naturally impatient, hates waiting in general.

But I know when I open that door, I will once again be smitten by that damn smile of his. I'll want to kiss those stupid lips of his and have him tell me how much he loves me. But that's all fantasy. Logically, I know that's impossible. I'd have a better chance experiencing the apocalypse before hearing Aoi confess any feelings for me. But no matter how many times I try to reason with myself, the small flame of hope just won't extinguish. 

To busy myself, I look at my phone as we walk to this car and head on our way to work. Aoi listens to some generic rock song. I don't pay attention too much since I'm busy texting Taka, my best friend since high school. 

**[Taka]**

**_Yoooo! Mornin’ Sleepy Head_ **

**[Uruha]**

**_Hey, sorry I never answered any of your texts last night_ **

**[Taka]**

**_All if forgiven. Got to spend more time with Reila. :)_ **

Reila is Takanori’s girlfriend. And to be honest, I don’t know how to feel about her. I mean, they are both cut from the same cloth and seem to get along great. They are the picturesque, ideal couple. Both have amazing talent and complement each other well. Plus, Takanori’s parents adore her. I think they like her a lot more than they like me. They never said a mean word towards me, but I just feel this underlying tension in their forced smiles and polite mannerisms. But maybe that’s just my own paranoia. I know I overthink sometimes.

Maybe the only reason I have any weird feelings towards Reila was because I was jealous. Takanori was so happy with her. She made him smile and laugh and just radiate joy. Meanwhile, here I am, single and hungover riding to work with a man I just had sex with but did not have a romantic relationship with.

Unrequited love sucks.

* * *

Okay, that just hurts.

You’d think I’ve grown accustomed to Aoi’s flirtings at work. But that still doesn’t make it sting less. I just got done trimming some guy’s hair and now I’m forced to watch him at the front desk being hit on by Aoi. 

The man isn’t bad looking. But I’d say he’s pretty average. He looks a lot better now that I’ve done his hair. So maybe I’ll take credit for making him look so good. I’ll just think of this as Aoi complimenting my work. In some twisted sort of way. 

Oh gods, the way Aoi was leaning on the counter, if I was that man I would not be able to resist. But I have to turn away and ignore it. I don’t let an ounce of emotion show on my face. And I do a damn good job of it since no one says anything to me. 

So many of our coworkers have complimented me on my nonchalant attitude before. They marvel at how nothing seems to bother me. I can handle a nasty customer without losing my cool. But isn’t this just another way of saying I’m emotionless? Cause I’m anything but apathetic. I just don’t like to show my emotions as freely as others. I still mull over people’s words. But sometimes it's not worth letting it ruin my day. I have other things to worry about.

“Hey Uruha!”

Oh, I was lost in my mind again. I blink out of my daze and see Aoi waving me over to the front desk. The customer must’ve left while I was off wandering my thoughts.

As if he has some kind of spell over me, I obey and mindlessly stroll over to him. 

“I’m going out tonight. Are you okay going home by yourself?”

My eyes travel to his hands. The black polish on each of his nails was chipping and in need of another coat. But more importantly, between his fingers is a piece of scrap paper with some numbers scribbled on it. The sequence looks exactly like a phone number. Probably from the previous client.

I shouldn’t be surprised. Or even mad. This isn’t the first time he’s left work to go out with some stranger. And it definitely won’t be the last. 

So why does it still hurt? He’s not ditching me. This is routine.

_ Oh, right. Because you love this idiot.  _ I scold myself.

But I shake all of that away. I stiffen my shoulders and chase away any ounce of emotion trying to slip onto my face. I have grown into such a pro. I can probably keep myself in check better than most actors.

“No problem.” I stoically nod my head.

The smile he graces me with is almost enough to make me forget about my predicament. Almost.

Like I said, this is all too familiar.


	2. Chapter 2

I hate this.

Waking up sucks. I enjoy sleeping far too much. But waking up knowing Aoi isn’t here to greet me is even worse. Especially since I know he woke up in somebody else’s bed. But there’s nothing I can do about that. He’s not the kind to settle down.

I turn to look at my phone on my nightstand. I woke up two minutes before my alarm. I am so tempted to lay my head back down and try to sleep for those two measly minutes. I don’t like waking up early because now I feel like I was cheated out of some extra sleep time. But now that Aoi is on my mind, there’s no way. So I silence my alarm before it can give me a heart attack and sluggishly go about my morning routine. 

When did I get so sluggish? I used to have more energy and enthusiasm. Like when I first started at Black Moral, I would make sure I was ten minutes early. It was the first time I ever showed up before my start time. All through grade school I was always late for my part time jobs. Maybe that’s why they never lasted?

By the time I’m showered and dressed, I don’t have enough time to eat breakfast if I want to at least make it somewhat on time to work. 

_ Oh! That’s right!  _

Without Aoi and his car, I need to take the bus. 

Looking at the clock on the wall, I need to leave right now if I even want a chance to catch it. It never follows the same schedule. And everytime I needed it, that damn bus would arrive and leave early. Then I always have to wait for the next one, which is always late. I thought living in the city would be easy with no car. I could just walk everywhere. Man, was I wrong. By the time I’d walk to work, I’d be all sweaty and unkempt that they’d probably think I was a customer in need of a touch-up. Yeah, definitely too far of a walk for me. 

I speed walk down the stairs of my apartment complex and quickly make my way down the sidewalk to the bus stop. Thankfully my silent prayers are answered when I just barely catch the bus. Sure I had to run a bit, but at least the driver was able to see me and stopped. Unlike the others who just ignore me and continue on their route. All the passengers are busy with their phones or books. One man reads the newspaper, which is too big to have unfolded. He takes up two seats doing that.

I sit down by the window to catch my breath. Using my phone’s front-facing camera, I fidget with my hair and adjust myself to look presentable. I continue to play around on my phone to keep me distracted. I can’t let my mind wander to thoughts of Aoi again. I just don’t want to think about him and that man from yesterday. With frustration I open my Youtube app and just watch some dumb, mindless videos to keep me occupied until my stop.

* * *

I am only a few minutes late. But that’s not bad considering we are still setting up our station before we open. Kai doesn’t notice. And if he does, he doesn’t say anything. He just greets me with his trademark smile and continues counting money and writing stuff down at the front desk. 

I just stroll right over to my station and fiddle around with everything. I rearrange the shampoo bottles four times in a row despite them being in the same spot as when I started. I even wiped down the mirror, which I can only remember doing once before. My obsessive behavior does little to quell the anxiety I am desperately trying to hide. My actions are erratic but they keep me busy. 

I clean and wipe down the entire area, all the shears and combs. Hell, I even alphabetize the different hair dyes I have at my station. That takes me a minute as I sing the alphabet in my head to make sure they are in the right order. The floor is clean. But I grab a broom and sweep it anyway. I see a few specks of dirt and a strand of hair. The pile I create is so miniscule, I just try to push it under the chair. It’s not worth getting a dustpan out for. Unless I sweep the other stations...

“Hey, Uru!”

I jumped and turned around so fast, I almost made myself dizzy. I didn’t even notice Aoi sneaking up behind me. Guess I was too focused to notice anything around me. I truly was distracted. But now all the anxiety comes crashing me back to reality as I stand in front of the man who is causing me this distress.

He is still as pretty as ever. That smile is still endearing to me. But despite the use of makeup I can see bags under his eyes. They are dark and signal to me that he didn’t get much sleep last night. Worse of all, when my eyes travel down further, I can see a purple hickey poking out from behind his collar. Right on his Adam's apple. It’s a shame, considering how flawless his skin looks, I feel a deep anger burning within me. That man from last night had no right to hurt and mark Aoi like that. His smooth neck soiled by some greedy man.

I catch myself before my thoughts spiral too far out. I am being such a hypocrite. After all, Aoi’s back probably still has those scratches from me.

“You alright?” Aoi’s expression changes once he realizes I haven’t spoken.

_ Shit. I need to say something. I don’t want to make him worry.  _

“Yeah.” I keep the jealousy at bay. I fake a yawn. “Just didn’t want to wake up this morning.” 

“Same. But I knew Kai wouldn’t be Mr. Sunshine if I showed up late.” Aoi crossed his arms and let out that small, airy giggle he does when he laughs at his own joke. I can’t help but laugh with him. 

Everything after that is a blur. Kai opens the doors and the customers steadily walk in. All appointments today were nearly taken. So we all have our hands full. I can’t remember too much. I just do whatever is asked of me. Luckily, I move on instinct without too much thought. Because my heart is just not into it. All I can think about is Aoi.

It’s not fair. He takes up too much of my thoughts. I have no right to be jealous. He’s allowed to sleep with whoever he wants. He’s a consenting adult. I can’t tell him what he can and can’t do. I hold no claims over him. I’m just his friend...with benefits. But that’s all I’ll ever be. And I need to get used to that.

I can’t be so greedy and expect more from him. He has made it perfectly clear he does not want to pursue that kind of relationship with me.

But no matter how many times I try to logically talk myself out of this, my crush still remains. 

Before I know it, my shift is done and we are getting ready to close Black Moral for the night. After all the cleaning I did this morning, I don’t have to do much. I can probably dash out of here earlier than everyone else.

But of course, fate is against me as I turn around and nearly knock Aoi over. I have no idea how he keeps sneaking up on me. The bags under his eyes have faded, but they’re still there if you look hard enough. And it takes all my willpower to ignore the love bite I know is visibly decorating his throat. After steadying myself on my feet, I sway back and forth, trying to hide my unease.

“Hey, sorry we couldn’t ride together this morning. Would you like me to drive you home now? I could stop at that ramen place we used to go to. I hear they finally passed a health inspection and will open up again.” Aoi beams. 

It’s moments like these that make me think we could be something more. Like we could go for a drive and eat together like a normal couple. But I have to remind myself that Aoi is just being Aoi. He’s kind to many people, not just me. If we didn’t live in the same complex, he probably wouldn’t have extended an invitation to me. 

“Thanks. But I can’t. I’m going to visit Takanori tonight.” As much as it pains me to decline, I do have prior plans.

“Oh, okay. Well see ya later.” Aoi shrugs so casually and walks away. No hint of disappointment on his face.

* * *

It’s a bit out of the way, but I’m glad the buses at least run to the outskirts of the town. The houses out this way all look the same. They all were probably built by the same company during some sort of boom in employment for the area That’s how all these things normally work. Must be weird to know the exact layout of your neighbor’s house since it’s the same as yours. You could just walk in and find the bathroom on your own. This cookie cutter neighborhood gives me the creeps if I think about it too much.

Luckily I’ve been to Takanori’s enough that I can differentiate his house from his neighbors. His father has a large collection of garden flags. So their house always has one proudly swaying in the front. They are all tackey in my opinion. Today, it looks like he has the one that looks like a tabby cat hanging off the pole that reads “Hang in there” at the bottom. 

...Feels like it’s mocking me.

I walk past the cliche thing and try to shake off all my thoughts of Aoi. After ringing the doorbell, I feel anxious standing here. Just waiting for the door to open.

When it does, I’m greeted by Mrs. Masumoto. She’s taller than both the men in the house. Her hair is put up in a tight, side ponytail. Still wearing makeup this late in the day. Probably leftover from work and she hasn’t had the time to wash it off.

“Hi Kouyou. Takanori is in his room.” She stands behind the door with a forced smile. I always thought she was a nice woman. But her and her husband have both been pretty obvious with their disdain towards me. I may be air-headed, but I can notice the way their grins twitch and how often they avoid making eye contact with me. They weren’t always like this.

When I first became friends with Taka they were so cool. They’d always have snacks and stuff in the cupboards for us. They’d offer them to me every time I visited. And even when I left. But anymore, I’m lucky if they even say more than a sentence to me.

But it’s not like this was surprising. It’s been like this ever since they found out I’m gay. They’ve never negatively said anything about it. It’s more like they’re trying to avoid it. They grow more uncomfortable around me the more I come to visit. I used to be able to spend the nights at Taka’s. But now, if it’s getting late, they’ll stop by and act so passive-aggressive. Asking me what time I plan to head home and whether I need a ride. 

“Thanks.” I nod quickly and step inside. I ignore how quickly she closed the door behind me. She just walks away and continues whatever she was doing before my arrival. Totally avoiding me.

Luckily Takanori never treated me differently. He understood that we were just friends and that my feelings towards him were purely platonic and nothing else. 

I find his room by memory and I enter without knocking. Still living in his childhood home, it’s easy to make myself comfortable despite his parents. Takanori is sitting on his floor, back against the frame of his bed. The TV is on but he’s paying no attention to it. His eyes are glued to his cell phone. He is completely oblivious to my presence in his doorway. He has his legs folded in front of him and his hands resting on his knees. His blonde hair is messy and flat, with the naturally brunette colored roots starting to show. Once I became a hair stylist, I started bleaching and dying his hair for him. His parents weren’t happy with it. (Maybe that’s another reason why they don’t like me.)

I wait for a minute before I clear my throat loudly. This makes him jump. His glasses nearly fall off his face as he jumps to his feet. I can’t help but roar with laughter as he clutches his chest. 

“Asshole!” He gasps and glares at me. I know it’s mean, but with how much he teases me, this is tamed. 

After twenty minutes of goofing around and slinging insults at each other, we finally settle down and decide on a movie to watch. Taka’s collection is...an acquired taste. He is really into terrible monster B-movies. I don’t mind, he picks some new one he got that deals with aliens or roaches or something. I wasn’t really paying attention when he was reciting the plot. All I remember is him saying something about bad CGI. He seems excited by it, so might as well watch it. 

_ Anything to distract me from Aoi. _

We sit side by side with our backs against his bed frame, silently watching the film. Normally we’d comment and talk during it. Pointing out plot holes and making fun of terrible acting. But Takanori seems distracted. He still has his phone clutched in his hands. 

Compared to me, he is always on his phone. But he knows how to put it down when he’s talking to someone. But today, he just keeps scrolling on it. I don’t want to be rude and look over his shoulder. I allow him his privacy. 

The silence is a little awkward. Especially since I don’t know what’s going on in the movie. My mind keeps wandering off.

“Hey Kou.” He startles me out of my daze. When I look at him, he has his phone clutched in his one hand, the other is a fist against his thigh. He is looking down his nose at his lap. All the confident swagger I’m used to seeing from my friend has been replaced but a surprising shyness. I hum in acknowledgement. 

“When did you know?” His voice is just a little above a whisper. “That you were…”

His cheeks are turning pink and he is stuttering to get his point out. But he doesn’t need to. 

“Gay?” I finished his thought, putting him out of his misery. We’ve never truly talked about sexuality much. The day I came out as gay was the last time we ever mentioned anything like that. We just moved right along. That’s why I always cherished our friendship. Taka never treated me any different after I came out. He accepted that that was another part of me, but it didn’t solely define me.

It takes me a good minute to answer his question. I never thought about it much. 

“I don’t know. One day I just sort of discovered the word. And when I started thinking about myself and what I liked. It just sort of clicked. Like everything made sense.” I leaned my head back and tried to put words to all the thoughts and feelings I have. Remembering how hollow I felt before I came out. Once I realized, I felt complete. Like I could finally be free and no longer live a lie.

The silence between us isn’t awkward anymore. The movie continues playing, but we’ve long lost the plot of it. Takanori chews on his bottom lip, mulling over my words. 

“Are you happy?” His question is innocent.

“Yeah.” For the most part that’s not a lie. He doesn't know about me and Aoi. Which I usually find comfort in. Taka is a healthy distraction for me. We never talk about relationships. I know he’s happy with his girlfriend. And whenever I have a boyfriend I will tell him. So there’s no point in telling him about Aoi. We’re just friends.

“Do you ever feel any attraction towards girls?” 

Okay, this is the most Taka has ever asked about my sexuality. I’m not uncomfortable. But I know he wouldn’t be pressing the topic if he didn’t have some ulterior thoughts. There’s something he’s skirting around and not outright telling me.

“No. Why did you bring this up? Is something wrong?” We’ve been friends since high school, so I know when he’s being shy. He’s pretty easy to read.

“No. Not really. Just...trying to figure something out.” Taka mumbles and fidgets with his phone. The screen is dark, so it’s not unlocked. He just needs something to do with his hands.

“If there’s anything you need to say, you know I’ll listen.” I try to use my most caring voice. I’ve been told before that I don’t emote enough. But right now, I just want Taka to blurt out what he’s trying to say. 

“I think I’m bisexual.” Taka whispers. 

“Okay. Cool.” I shrug. 

I don’t have much to say. He’s still Taka. I appreciate him trusting me with this. But logically nothing changes between us. But when I see his face scrunch up into an angry pout, I can tell I may have said the wrong thing.

“That’s it?” Taka’s voice is incredulous. I wonder how long he’s been mulling on this.

“What do you want me to say?” He didn’t make a big deal about me, so I thought he’d want the same.

“I don’t know. Something more. I spent months trying to figure this out, I guess I wanted a bigger reaction!” He was shouting at me. All shyness gone. 

“Okay let me try.” I loudly clear my throat and wrap my arms around him, pretend wailing. “Oh Taka that’s wonderful! I am so elated that you can finally reciprocate my love for you! Let’s get married right away!”

I can’t help but laugh as he struggles to get out of the hug. My arms are longer than his, so he’s really having a hard time breaking free. 

“Knock it off, you ass!” Taka finally squirms out of my arms. I am laughing too hard, I can hardly see straight. I hear his giggles building up. 

“But seriously Taka, thanks for confiding in me. I know it’s not easy.”

“Yeah. I just thought, since I’m with Reila…” He plays with the fraying hem of his hoodie sleeves. 

“You can still be with her and bisexual. There’s no rules that say you have to be with someone of the same gender to be bi.” I feel the need to reassure him. He shouldn’t defy himself by anyone else’s standards. It sounds like he’s been battling the voices of doubt inside his head for quite some time. I don’t want anyone to take this away from him. 

“Thanks.” He looks down and barely hides a sniffle. I’m not good when people cry around me. 

“I knew I was gay well before I ever had sex. That didn’t make me any less valid.”

“Ew gross, man. I don’t want to hear about your sex life. That far too personal.” Taka laughs. Which is better than crying. I can deal with that.

“So does anyone else know?”

“No.” He shakes his head. Confirming my suspicions of being the first one he told. I am honored. I thought he’d tell Reila first. They are a couple after all. Then again, he might’ve known I’d support him no matter what and never judge him. Especially since he was the first one I confided in.

“Well, thanks for trusting me. And don’t force yourself. You don’t have to feel pressured to tell everyone right away. Do whatever is comfortable to you.” 

_ Don’t tell your parents.  _ Is what I really mean. But I know Taka picks up on that. He never said anything, but I know that he saw the shift in his parents when they learned my sexuality. And I never wanted him to choose between our friendship or his family. He obviously loves his parents. But it’s just a whole complicated issue that we all just avoid. 

“Thanks Kou.” He nods and we hug. Our friendship is strong. I never had a brother, but that’s what I’d consider Taka. I trust him with my life.

“I knew I could count on you.” After hearing that, the day ended better than it started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took over three months.... woops! 😅 Sorry about that. I know things are kind of crazy for everyone right now. I just hope everyone is staying safe and able to have some good times amidst the chaos. I'll try to get the next chapter done...so yeah see you in another three months lol (let's hope its sooner)


	3. Chapter 3

It’s been a few days since I’ve hung out with Takanori. And each day Aoi’s driven me to work. I’m thankful I haven’t had to adjust my sleeping schedule in order to catch the bus. Plus I don’t have to awkwardly avoid eye contact from strangers. 

I’ve managed to abstain from my jealousy of Aoi. The rides to work are filled with laughter and pleasant talks. We tease each other and talk about the salon. It’s nice to be relaxed around him. Aoi hasn’t spent the night with anyone else, and if he has I haven’t noticed. The ignorance is comforting to me. I don’t want anything to prove me wrong. 

Work hasn’t been bad, just mundane. Nothing of note has happened. It’s just the same routine; open, wait on clients, close, return home and repeat. I don’t want anything stressful, it’s just the past few days have flown by me. I didn’t even realize it was Friday already. Which excites me since I am off Saturday.

I wonder what’s on TV tonight. I don’t watch much so I don’t think I’ll find anything of interest. Maybe I’ll just play my Playstation. I still haven’t finished Death Stranding. I can stay up late doing that, sleep in tomorrow.

I put on my jacket and walk towards the front desk. Aoi is still closing up so I have to wait for him to drive us home. As soon as I lean across the desk, Kai pokes his head into the lobby. He just came down the steps that lead to his office/apartment. His trademark smile plastered on his face as he strolls towards us. 

“Everyone, good job today!” Kai holds his hand up in the air and raises his voice so every one of his employees is looking at him as he congratulates us. 

“Thanks Leader!” Aoi quips as he finishes and closes the book in front of him.

“As I’ve mentioned earlier last week, we were doing exceedingly well for this quarter.” Our boss is beaming. I can’t think of any other way of describing it. It’s as if he was made of pure sunshine at the moment. At least when he’s happy. I haven’t a clue what he’s like when he’s mad. I don’t have any plans on seeing that either. But he seems especially happy now. “Well, I just finished running the numbers and we did even better than I was expecting.”

That earns a small cheer from behind me. I see my other co-workers high-fiving at the news. Normally when business is good, that means we get some kind of reward. Kai is honestly the best boss I’ve ever worked for. Instead of hogging the profits for himself, he lets us share in the bonus. Last time we did well, he managed to budget it and give us all an increase in pay. So I can imagine everyone is eager to see how this turns out. 

“So as a thank you to all of you, I wanted to invite you all out for drinks tonight. My treat!” This earned him even more cheers from my fellow stylists. Some were ecstatic, and some still had mild enthusiasm.

“We will open at noon tomorrow, so don’t try to get too wasted. Plus that gives us enough time to truly enjoy the night.” The moment Kai says this, everyone is on board. It’s like he cleared the worry some of us had. We must’ve done really well if Kai’s postponing the normal 8am opening time. 

We spend the next twenty minutes finishing up loose ends and readying the salon to be opened tomorrow. Kai makes sure all the carpools and transportation is taken care of. He volunteers to pay for any taxis or ride sharing service since he doesn’t want anyone to worry about a thing and just focus on having a good time. 

“Well, this should be fun, right Uru?” Aoi holds the door for me as we walk out to his car. 

“Beats being alone in my apartment.” I nod a thanks to him. 

Kai has taken us all out for drinks a few times. And everytime he has everything worked out without incident. Once again, it’s routine. Not that I’m not excited to spend more time with my coworkers and enjoy a few drinks. It’s just I can already predict how this night is going to end.

Like always, I’ll probably spend the night in bed with Aoi.

* * *

I only have a faint memory of the bar. I could’ve sworn I spent no longer than ten minutes in there until me and Aoi found ourselves in the back of a taxi taking us home. We are both tipsy, both fairly aware of what we are doing. But the alcohol has silenced the logical part of our brains that cares. 

I admittedly feel a little guilty as we exit the taxi and head up to his apartment. I couldn’t keep my hands to myself and just nuzzled Aoi’s neck the whole ride here. I’m not usually one for PDA but I couldn’t hold myself back. I’m sure the driver got paid enough to alleviate any awkwardness. 

I feel warm and giddy as Aoi places his hand on the small of my back and leads me to the elevator. I don’t think either of us has the strength to walk five floors. It’s unspoken, but we both know we’re going to his apartment. He’s the one leading us afterall. And I don’t think I have the patience to unlock my own door right now.

Luckily the elevator is empty so I can continue kissing along the bottom of Aoi’s jawline. His hand brushes up my side, tickling me. I bury my giggles against his throat and feel his adam’s apple bob as he lets out his own whisper of a laugh.

I don’t focus on my surroundings. I only want to pay attention to Aoi. The way he holds me and surrounds me with a comforting warmth. He has to guide me down the hall which isn’t an easy job. I stumble over my feet as he firmly holds my arms and leads me to my own door. I hand my keys to him and leave the task of fiddling around with them solely on him. I just hum and bury my face against his broad chest. 

I don’t know why I’m like this. I just cling to him and don’t want to let him go. It's almost like the jealousy I have been suppressing is back in full swing. I feel so special being the one going to bed with him tonight. Out of all his one night stands, I’m the only repeat. 

Is that something to be proud of? 

I shut those thoughts up. I don’t want to think about the future. Just the present. Having Aoi propping me up with his strong hands. His fingers curl around and press into my biceps. I reach out and unbutton the top of his shirt, exposing a hint of the bare chest underneath.

“Whoa there Uru.” He gasps. I feel his breath push past my hair and caress the tip of my ear. “Let me get us inside first.”

He’s still jingling his keys. Trying to unlock his door with one hand. I continue to squirm against him, aching for his touch. Once he successfully opens his door I pull him inside. 

We toe off our shoes and wrap our arms around each other. Aoi starts grazing his lips against the underside of my jaw. Ever so lightly, he nips and bites at my warm skin. Not hard enough to leave marks. Aoi leads me through his living room to the bedroom. He knows right where he’s going without looking up from me. 

As soon as we’re inside my fingers frantically unbutton his shirt with no patience. I’m clumsy but stubborn in my goal. Aoi just laughs at my impatience. He is much slower in his undressing of me. I’m trying to tug his pants off and he is still messing with my shirt. Slowly he runs his hands up my sides and over my chest before finally pushing my shirt over my head. I whine and try to pull him towards his bed. 

“Easy there.” Aoi releases another chuckle. He grabs at my hands after they successfully undid the front of his jeans. He places a light kiss on one of my knuckles and the action is so sweet my throat constricts to prevent a gasp from escaping.

There is something with the way Aoi acts that throws me off. I used to always think one night stands were fast and full of lust. The first time we did this it was. But as we continue our trysts, there’s been a shift in Aoi. He has grown slower and more caring in his actions. He is surprisingly gentle with me, always pausing to make sure I’m comfortable. 

Unlike the first time, where I woke up the next morning in pain. But at least the pancakes he had made me for breakfast weren’t half bad.

I think as we continue on, we’ve grown used to each other’s bodies. I know some of his more sensitive places. And the same with him to me. 

Holding my hands, his eyes stare at my now bare chest. “We have all night, so there’s no rush.”

For the first time since we’ve left the bar, I feel a heat crawl its way up my chest and onto my face. My cheeks burn and my voice fails me. I feel too much at once. I can’t form any words. I feel foolish for practically ripping his clothes off. I must be touch starved with how frantic my movements were. My heart tightens with the tenderness in Aoi’s voice.

It’s unfair.

I just want to spend a night with him where I’m not reminded of my feelings. But the way he acts makes me hopeful. 

His lips attach themselves to my collarbone. He knows I’m sensitive there from all our time together. He’s still holding my hands and leads me to the bed. I’m used to being pushed on the bed or falling on it. But Aoi wraps his arm around my back and gently lays me down. 

My mind is overflowing, euphoria 

When our clothes are scattered around the floor, Aoi’s hands take their time exploring my body. He knows where to touch me and have me moaning. But he teases me by moving past those points. His lips descend down my body agonizingly slow. 

He kisses my hip, and I can’t take it anymore. On instinct I jerk forward, begging Aoi to hurry up. He laughs and runs his hands down my thighs and lifts my leg up so a bruise I didn’t know I had was at eye level with him. The blemish was small, but it was blueish purple in color, making itself very noticeable. I must have bumped my leg off of a chair or something at work. But I can’t remember how I got it exactly. Aoi carefully rubs his index finger over it, just barely touching it. And then he leans forwards and places a small, quick kiss on it. 

Now  _ this _ is what I can’t shake from my mind. When he does stuff like that I can’t ignore this as a simply friends-with-benefits. I can’t help but feel like he cares for me.

But if he did, he wouldn’t sleep with other men. 

The rest of the night, we took our time and enjoyed every second together. Laughing and moaning into the stale air of his apartment. Teasing each other and fumbling around in the dark. By the time we were done, I could hear Aoi’s breathing slow and even to a light snore.

It’s early morning when I fall asleep in the warmth of his arms.

* * *

An alarm blares and I groan in frustration. I am off today, why is my alarm going off? I must’ve forgot to turn it off. 

I slam my hand on the nightstand, but don’t find my phone. My palm comes in contact with hardwood and the pain jolts me awake. I sit up and the blaring noise continues to assault my ears. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I feel something wrap around my waist. 

Oh! 

Looking around, I remember that I am not in my apartment. And that’s not my phone making the noise.

Looking down, I see Aoi’s arm wrapped around my waist and his face resting on the pillow I had just been lying on. His face is scrunched in annoyance but his eyes remain shut. 

It’s hard to enjoy his beauty when his phone is blaring and deafening me. His phone is sitting in its charger on the nightstand beside him. I reach over and dismiss the alarm. 

“I guess it’s time to get up.” I laugh as I look down at him. I can’t help but brush a few strands of his hair behind his ear so I can get a better look at his face. His sleeping face is a rare sight for me. Most of the time, he is up before me. So I have a moment to admire the light freckles that speckle along his nose. He’s so soft looking. 

The only response I get is an irritated groan and his arm tightening around my waist, making me fall back down on the bed. 

“Okay. I’m not the one who has to work today so it makes no difference to me.” I shrug and lay limp in the bed. It doesn’t really matter to me. I would love to stay in bed with him all day. That would be a dream.

“But you’re so warm. I can’t leave this.” Aoi’s morning breath is strong. But not enough that I can ignore what he just said. 

He probably doesn’t mean anything by it. But he “can’t leave this.” Does he mean me? My heart betrays me and starts picking up speed. He wants to stay with me? My emotions and logic are battling. I feel so special to him right now. But logically I know we’re not dating so this is just a purely physical relationship. But..

“I guess I have to.” Aoi yawns rather obnoxiously and stretches his limbs out, hogging the entire bed. He nearly kicks me onto the floor. But I shove him and we both decide to leave the warm comfort and start the day.

We both get up and get dressed; collecting our clothes from around the room with no fanfare. It’s almost routine at this point.

“Need to use the shower?” Aoi runs his fingers through his messy hair. Wincing when he encounters a knot.

“No thanks, I think I’ll just head home.” I don’t want to spend much longer here. I need to break from the illusion that this is anything special.

We exit his bedroom. He holds the door open for me.  _ Such a gentleman. Dammit.  _

I sit in his kitchen and lace my shoes as he groggily shuffles around to prepare himself a cup of coffee.

“Any plans for your day off?” He makes light conversation. And there’s just something so domestic about this. Him just casually going about his morning, and me just sitting here. 

I imagine mornings with Aoi would be so intimate. Making coffee and breakfast side by side. Resting our heads on each other’s shoulders as we talk about anything and everything. Showering and getting dressed together. All the while enjoying small touches.

I berate myself. Can’t have my imagination running away from me. 

“Maybe some cleaning. Then video games.” I finish tying my shoes and stand up to shrug. After last night, I just want to stay in today. 

“Whoa, easy there party animal. Don’t overdo it.” Aoi laughs and leans against his counter. That teasing smile pointed in my direction. I have to leave before I fall even more for this bastard.

“Talk to you later.” I wave and leave without turning around.

* * *

I don’t think my living room has ever been this clean. I spent my morning organizing my DVDs and video games. I actually put them on the shelves instead of piles on the floor. The pillows are on the couch and I cleaned all the old dishes and bottles off the coffee table. Sure, the bookshelf is still a mess and I need to desperately run a vacuum to get rid of the crumbs in the carpet. But considering how it did look, this is an improvement.

I kept my hands and mind busy, I didn’t think about Aoi once.. _.well except for right now. _

I sit down and prop my feet up feeling like I earned a small break. I look at my phone to check the time and see I have a text message. Aoi’s at work so it can’t be him. 

I see Taka’s name and read his text.

_ They know. They are pissed. Please come pick me up.  _

My good mood comes crashing down in an instant. I am overcome with worry. Without thinking, I stumble out of my apartment and run outside to catch the next bus to the outside of town. I didn’t even give him a reply. I feel too rushed. I need to reach him as soon as I can. 

My biggest concern was his parents finding out about his sexuality. And it looks like they did. And as I expected, they are not happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No matter what I did, I was unhappy with this chapter and rewrote it like three times. And then that cause writer's block and I'm just a mess. lol Finally have something I am comfortable posting. So so sorry for my inconsistent posting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, sorry this chapter is so short despite how long it took me write. Writing has been a complete struggle for me and I am trying to just push through it. Especially with this fic, I keep looking back and trying to make sure there's no continuity errors. But I hope whoever is still reading this enjoys. 😅

Standing outside of Takanori’s home, it doesn’t look like anything’s amiss. None of Taka’s things were thrown on the lawn, and I didn’t hear any screaming like you do in movies. Compared to every other house on this block, it appears normal. But I know something is amiss. Taka wouldn’t text me if it was nothing.

I stand on the porch after ringing the doorbell, waiting for some response. My stomach twists the longer I wait. My nerves take over every one of my muscles as I anticipate what is on the other side of that door. 

Should I ring the bell again? Maybe they didn’t hear me. Oh, but that would be rude. Last thing I want to do is make anyone even angrier.

Taka’s parents never really liked me anyways. I wonder if my presence here would be welcomed or not. I’m used to the cold, fake politeness from them. I never felt comfortable around them and now all those feelings of uneasiness return as I stand here.

After an eternity of swimming in anxiety, the door finally cracks open and adrenaline takes over as I stand perfectly still.

Takanori’s mother answered the door. When she saw me, her eyes stared at me with pure hatred. Her nostrils flared with rage and her knuckles whitened as she gripped the door with an iron like grasp.

“Oh great.” She spits as she talks. “Of course you’d show up.”

I shift on my feet. I don’t really know how to respond. I’ve never been good at confrontation. But if I can keep a neutral expression, maybe we can just move past this.

“Um...is Taka home?”

“What if he is?” She lets go of the door and crosses her arms. Blocking my view of the inside. “What do you want with him?”

How was I supposed to answer that? Things turned hostile so quickly, I didn’t even notice Taka’s father standing behind her until he jumped on the bandwagon and shouted at me.

“Haven’t you’ve done enough already. We tolerated your presence, but obviously we should’ve put an end to it.” HIs eyebrows were pinched together, and though he was shorter than his wife, he made his presence known and feared with that deep voice of his.

“Uh…”

“You know what?! It’s your fault!” Realization set in on her face. She pointed a well-manicured finger at my face. “Yeah, you confused our son and now he’s throwing his life away! You ruined everything!”

“We should’ve never let our son hang out with someone of your kind.” Taka’s father’s eyes narrowed at me.

“My kind?” I couldn’t bite my tongue. I’ve never felt this much anger before. I know exactly what they are getting at. And blaming me for their son’s sexuality, well, that’s absurd. My feelings have never been anything but platonic towards him.

And now I have to stand here and deal with their ignorance. It frustrates me that people who raised such a wonderful man could be so closed minded. 

“Gay. Queer. Fag. Whatever it is you call yourself!” Taka’s father rattled off in a derogatory tone. He didn’t fully know what he’s talking about so he just said any words that came to mind. And I bet he wanted to offend me by throwing such slurs at me. 

“Just because you like dicks in your ass doesn’t mean our son has to, too!” Her voice cracked as she shrieked at me. 

I swear they were starting to foam at the mouth. Their anger was almost tangible. And I’ve never heard such crude words come from either of them before. They were always polite and proper with their speech. Afterall, they taught Takanori strict manners.

“Enough!” 

They both turn around, and I could see between the gaps of their body my best friend. He stood a few feet away from them, he had a duffle bag in each hand and a backpack. His eyes were red and puffy. Takanori looked at his parents with a ferocity I’ve never seen in him before. He stomped past them, dragging his bags behind him. He didn’t look up at either of them.

“I don’t understand why you’d throw all of this away! You were happy!” His mother flailed her arms as he walked outside. 

I feel awkward just standing here, witnessing a family feud. I took one of the bags in Taka’s hands and slung it across my back, just to help him out. 

“Reila is the perfect girl! How can you do this to her?” There was a pleading tone to his father’s voice. 

“Her? What about me? I’m your son!” He finally turned around to look at them. I could tell from the slight tremble in his shoulders that he was on the verge of crying. But his stubbornness kept that from happening. “And I see you guys screaming at my best friend! From what I see, you guys are the problem. Not me!”

Takanori turned around and marched down the sidewalk with me loyally following behind him. His parents continued to shout and beg, but it fell on deaf ears.

We continued along the road, putting distance between us and his former home. Taka just kept walking, as if on autopilot. We didn’t have any plan on where to go from here. It was late so the buses stopped coming out this far. And I don’t have a car.

But none of that seemed to bother Taka. He was too deep in his own thoughts to register his surroundings.

I pull out my phone. We need a ride. It’s too dangerous to be walking around at night.

Deciding who to call, obviously Aoi’s name is the first one to pop in my head. He’s my ride for work. 

But what if he’s not home? He might be spending the night with someone. As much as that idea turns my stomach, I don’t want to bother him. Plus I don’t want to overwhelm myself by juggling my feelings for him and Taka’s predicament at the same time. I can only handle so much.

I scroll through my contacts, trying to find someone I can trust who won’t say too much to my upset friend. He needs some time to himself. 

My thumb hovers over my boss’s name. We’re friends, and he’s reliable. 

Without much more thought, I tap his name and listen to the ringing of the phone on the other end.

He picks up after three rings.

“Hello? Uruha it’s late, is everything okay?” He doesn’t sound tired, which is weird considering the time. 

“Um, Kai...I know this is kind of unexpected. But could you pick me and my friend up?” The words just tumble out of my mouth, unrehearsed and unsure. 

A small ounce of doubt nips at the back of my mind, unsure if he’d be willing to get us.

“Yeah,” I heard rustling from the other end. “I’m on my way. Text me the address.”

I do that and feel a small weight lift off my shoulders. I tell my friend and we stop walking. I stand beside Taka along the side of the road. He leans against a guard rail and stares at his feet. He just lost his home. His parents, who were supposed to love him unconditionally, could not but aside their preconceived notions and support their only son. The pit of my stomach is a weird swirling of anger and sadness. 

I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want to give him fake encouragement. It’s shitty what he’s going through. And so instead of making things worse, I just keep quiet. I like time alone when I’m upset. So I do the same for him.

Kai eventually pulls up beside us. We didn’t have to wait long at all. He must’ve broken some speed limits to get here so fast. I take Taka’s bags and load them in the trunk. He hops in the back and I take the passenger seat. 

“Thanks for getting us.” I smile at my boss, relieved to see his friendly face. “Sorry for bothering you so late.”

“It’s no problem. Really.” Kai’s trademark dimple appears with his smile. I have absolutely no idea how he does it, but he looks like the human personification of sunshine.“So where are we heading?”

“Oh…” My mouth gaps open as I realize we had no destination in mind. Obviously we can’t go back to Taka’s house. And it’s too late for him to get a hotel room. Plus I don’t want to leave him alone right now. The last thing he needs is his friend abandoning him. “I guess just back to my apartment.”

It’s the only other option I can think of.

“If that’s okay with you Taka.” I turn to look at my friend in the back seat. He silently nods as he stares blankly out the window. His mind probably burdened with a million thoughts.

“So why didn’t you call Aoi?” Kai just has to satiate his curiosity.

Damn Kai and his stupid observations.

“I…” How much does he know? Is he aware of mine and Aoi’s arrangement? He probably knows more than he lets on at times. But I’m not about to spill it all out to him with Taka in the backseat. I never even told him about Aoi. I just shrug and try to be as nonchalant as I can be. “He’s busy.”

I watch the streetlights pass by as we leave the suburban area and head closer to the city.

“You know he’d stop whatever it is to get you.” Kai keeps his eyes on the road as he speaks matter-of-factly.

I hum in acknowledgment. I really don’t want to discuss this with him. There’s a lull as Kai switches lanes and makes a turn. 

“He left the salon alone, you know. So I don’t think he was doing what you think he was.”

Okay, he definitely knows about us. 

“Can we talk about something else?” I try not to sound too angry. But I can feel my head begin to throb. I just want to get Taka to my place and call it a night. The stress is finally getting to me.

“Fine.” Kai is so easy-going, it’s almost sickening.

The rest of the ride was filled with awkward small talk. Kai tries to throw the conversation back towards Taka a few times, but he eventually gives up since my friend ignores everything around him. 

When we finally pull up outside my building, I thank Kai immensely. Promising him to work extra hours if he needs me to. Taka grabs most of his bags from the trunk and starts heading inside without me. I carry the duffle bag from earlier and close the trunk. I lean down to thank Kai one more time through the rolled down window.

“Is he going to be okay?” My boss purses his lips, that carefree smile nowhere present on his face. Even though Taka is a complete stranger to him, he’s still a mother hen.

I watch as Taka drags his feet through the front doors. He knows where my apartment is, but without a key he’s not going to get far. 

Out of all the years I’ve known him, he’s been the most confident and passionate person I know. I was always envious of his relationship. His girlfriend and him seemed perfect. I have expected them to get married and live the ideal life together. 

But the man I see now is a shell of what he was. His head held low and feet dragging as he moved with no urgency. He’s lost his family and lover all in one day. 

I haven’t a clue how to help him. 

“I don’t know.” I answer honestly.


	5. Chapter 5

I ignore the ping of my phone’s text message notification as I wash up the dishes.

It’s been a few days since Taka has come to stay with me. And he hasn’t gotten any better. He spends his nights and days lying on my couch. When I leave for work in the mornings, he is in the exact same spot when I return. I have to coax him up to take a shower or eat. I don’t know what more I can do for him. 

I bid my time, and offer him any support, in case he ever wants to talk.

My phone dings again as I place the last dish on the drying rack beside the sink. I sigh, knowing who it is. The only man that ever texts me. And the only man who makes my chest hurt. 

I dry my hands and swipe to see the message.

**[Aoi]**

**Hey, Whatcha up to?** **_(:3 ｣ ∠)_**

**You free tonight?**

Dammit. How can he act so casual? Does he know what he is doing to my heart? 

We talked at work and I told him about Taka. I didn’t mention much, and kept it brief. The last thing Taka needs is some stranger knowing too many details about him. I just told Aoi that he was kicked out and is staying with me for a few days. 

As much as I would love to spend time with Aoi, I refuse to leave Taka alone.

**[Uruha]**

**Sorry. My friend is still not feeling well.**

**[Aoi]**

**Anything I can help w?**

***with**

I let out a small chuckle. Ever since I complained about his poor texting skills one time, he always corrects his grammar and spelling. It’s cute. 

**[Uruha]**

**Thanks but I don’t think he wants to see anyone right now.**

**[Aoi]**

**Okay. See ya tomorrow!** **(＾ω＾）**

**[Uruha]**

**Of course!**

I can’t keep a smile off my face. Aoi’s messages, though brief, fills me with an uncontrollable giddiness. Plus his use of emoticons are adorable. I have no doubt he’d come help me if I asked. 

But I also feel a bitterness deep inside. Knowing that Aoi wanted to spend the night together, I have to put my selfish wants aside for my friend. Sure, I know this means Aoi might go out with someone else tonight. But I need to focus. Taka needs my help. 

I finish cleaning the dishes and dry my hands. Taka ate a little bit during dinner. It wasn’t much, but it was more than he did yesterday. I know it will take time until his appetite comes back. So I don’t mind wasting my food. 

When I walk back into my living room, he is slumped at the one end of my sofa. Wrapped up in a blanket with only his face and some locks of his bangs sticking out. If it wasn’t for the crestfallen look on his face, he’d be the image of comfort. 

I sit at the other end of the couch, not trying to crowd him. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I try to act casual. Taka is a very prideful and stubborn person. If he thinks I’m babying him, he’d be angry. 

I didn’t get a response. So I picked up my remote and displayed one of my streaming services on the television screen.

“There was one I saw that maybe you might like. They uploaded a bunch of those horror movies from the seventies.” I flip through our selection hoping Taka will at least acknowledge something. But he remains a still, depressed lump on his end. 

So I hit on a random movie, one I think he might like and play it. Even if he doesn’t watch it, I just want to keep him company. Maybe it will help some of the voices in his head. Make him not feel as alone.

We sit in silence. The movie playing is terrible. It’s so cheesy and predictable, if Taka was feeling better he’d be commenting and criticizing. It was always his favorite activity. I try to side glance at him, but it doesn’t look like he’s watching. His eyes are focused on some random point on the floor. Still cocooned in the blanket.

My phone in my pocket vibrates. I pull it out and look at the screen. One unread message. And when I open it, I can’t help but smile.

**[Aoi]**

**How do I beat the first boss? ( •̀ω•́ )σ**

I bite back a laugh. I know exactly what he’s referring to. At work I told him about the game I’m currently playing. He went out and bought it yesterday. He’s pretty good at video games, but he must be stuck if he’s texting me. 

**[Uruha]**

**Hide under the ledge when it attacks**

**Then jump out when it's tired**

**[Aoi]**

**Thanks Guru! ◝( ′ㅂ`)و ̑̑**

I feel a sense of relief knowing that Aoi is playing video games. It’s selfish, but the fact that he’s alone eases some of my worries. Plus texting him like this, it just makes me giddy inside. I feel so special to him right now.

“You’re smiling.” I hear the brittle voice of my best friend beside me. I turn to see him looking right at me. “Who are you texting?”

“Oh, it's just Aoi from work.” I swipe to lock my phone and put it to the side. I’ve told Taka about my friends at work before. I never told him about mine and Aoi’s arrangement. As far as he knows we’re just close friends. 

“You like him.”

“What?” If I had a drink, I probably would’ve done a spit take right now. Taka just spoke so matter-of-factly it caught me off guard. Let alone this is the most I’ve heard him say in days.

“You have a crush on him.”

“It’s not like that.” I laugh and shake my head. I can feel my cheeks heating up. I assume my red face betrays any denial. “This is different.”

“If you’re not dating and you like him. How can it not be a crush?” 

“Our situation, it’s different.” I sigh. Taka is staring at me, and it’s kind of intimidating. But I have no right complaining about my messed up relationship while he’s just been dumped. “But you shouldn’t worry about me. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” Taka shifts to fold his legs to his chest. He hugs his legs and buries his face in his knees. “In a single moment, my entire world collapsed. I never should’ve trusted Reila.”

He sounds so dejected. I choose my words wisely. If he was willing to talk about it, I want to comfort him and not make him feel worse. 

“Did you come out to her?” Even though I know what happened, I don’t know the full story of how his parents found out.

“Yeah, and she cried. She acted like I was a completely different person.” Taka blinked his eyes a few times. I can see how hard he’s trying to keep from crying. “She broke up with me and told my parents.”

Truth be told I never liked Reila. But I put up with her for Taka’s sake. She was good to him. But now, I can see she’s closed minded and selfish. I’m glad to finally have a reason for not liking her. But I’d rather it not be at the expense of my best friend. 

After going through such a ordeal, I want Taka to know that there is nothing wrong with him. That was the hardest thing for me when it came to accepting my sexuality. I don’t want anyone to make him feel like less of a person or that he’s broken.

“Don’t blame yourself for any of this.” I scoot closer and embrace him in a hug. His shoulders were starting to shake and he buried his face against my chest. He hates letting people see him cry. “I know it’s hard to hear, but if they couldn’t accept you for who you are, they’re the problem. Not you.”

“Thanks.” He sniffs. I listen to his shaky breathing. Once he gets his composure back, he sounds more sure of himself.

“Do your parents know?”

What’s with him and stepping on touchy subjects tonight? First Aoi, now this. Granted I never discuss my family with anyone. It’s only natural to be curious. 

But back when I came out, I only told my friends. And it wasn’t a big deal to me. I just casually slipped into conversation and we moved on from it. If someone had a problem with it I just stopped talking to them. 

But thinking of my parents, they have to know, right? On the rare occasion I visit, they never ask about my lovelife. They never try to set me up with girls or talk about potential girlfriends. My sisters never bring it up either. Both of them are married and no one bothers me to do the same. It’s unspoken, but I get the hint that they know.

We don’t talk about it. But then again there’s alot we don’t talk about. So I might just be making assumptions.

“Maybe.” I sigh. Not sure of the true answer. “We don’t have that close of a relationship. They might’ve found out on their own.”

“What if they don’t accept you?” I look down and I see Taka looking up at me. His eyes are red and wide. He looks so vulnerable and innocent right now. But there’s no way in Hell would I ever tell him that. I like being alive. 

I look throughout my apartment. The only pictures I have displayed are of my friends. Of the ones who accept me as is. Hangouts and parties. Each one is a smiling picture of enjoyable memories.

“Then I’m done with them. I know they’re my parents and I am grateful for all they’ve done for me. But if they are just going to bring negative energy into my life when I get a partner, then I’ll cut them out of my life for good.” I bit my lip. I’ve asked myself the same question for years now. And it’s taken me a while to finalize my decision. “Maybe it’s cruel. But that’s how I feel.”

I look back down and see him still looking up at me with the same puppy-dog stare.

“Oh, but I’m not telling you to do that! However you want to handle this situation, I’ll support you no matter what. You know that.” I try to lighten the mood. I didn’t mean to get so serious. Plus I didn’t want to boss him around. I doubt anyone could anyways. He’s too headstrong.

But I know he has - well, I guess had- a different relationship with his parents. So it’s harder for him to deal with their disapproval. 

“You are really smart, you know that?” Taka pulls away and wipes at his eyes. The blanket falls around his shoulder, and I can see the grey sweatshirt he’s wearing. It’s the same one he’s had on since his first night here. I am going to have to force him to change clothes now too I see. 

But when I look at him. I can see the faint presence of a smile on his face. It was only there for a second. But I noticed it. The aura of depression around him has evaporated. Of course he still looks like a sad lump. But it’s a small improvement to what he was. 

“Huh?” But his words have me confused. I have never been called smart before. Blunt and oblivious, maybe. But smart is different.

“Yeah, you never let your emotions get the best of you and always think things through logically.” 

“Oh.” I keep my head down. “Thank you.”

How am I supposed to tell him he’s wrong? 

If what he said was true, how would that explain my situation with Aoi? I let my emotions get the best of me and started sleeping with him. I didn’t think it through and now I am hopelessly in love with a man who sees me no more than a friend. If I was smart I would never have acted on my emotions. 

So no, I’m not smart.

I’m dumb. So stupid and beyond help.

“Can we watch another one?”

Taka’s voice breaks my downward spiral. I look to see his shoulders relaxed and him sitting closer to me. The credits roll from the movie we just finished. Though I think we missed the second half. But it wasn’t a great movie to start with. 

“Of course.” I smile as I pick up the remote again and select another movie at random.

Maybe someday I will tell him about Aoi. And then he’ll know he’s wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry this took me so long. Hope everyone had a good holiday season. (๑•́ ω •̀๑)


End file.
